Plenty of Fish Chats – I Think My Eyeballs are Bleeding

Warning: hard R/soft X rated material.  If you’re easily offended, skip this post.

So… I get on Plenty of Fish to see what I can rustle up in terms of blog material this weekend, when, about 3 minutes into it, up pops a request to chat.

I click through to the profile before accepting, and he is an absolute cutie.  30 years old, deep brown eyes, long lashes… just adorable.  Unfortunately, a quick perusal of his profile reveals he doesn’t want a relationship or any kind of commitment, which makes him a dead end for me.  But, I think, in the spirit of the 51 First Dates Project, what’s the harm in chatting for a few minutes?

I click the window open to accept the chat, and his opening volley is, “Hi, do you want to get on the phone so you can hear me cum?”

I am most grateful for his humor (intended or not).  I haven’t laughed out loud like that in a while.

So, this reveals a trend I am noticing in a certain set of late twenties/early thirties guys:  they seem to think women in their early 40s are sex-starved nymphomaniacs, and they want a piece of that.  Was there a Maxim article I missed?

I have gotten hit on by more cute twentysomething-year-old boys who are “intrigued by my experience” than I know what to do with.  What experience exactly?  By sheer longevity, yes, young guy, I have probably had more sex than you since I am female (lower barrier to entry, so to speak) and started while you were still in middle school.  But I have been so chronically monogamous, the best I can teach you is how not to get bored 7 years into it.    If you’re expecting swings and poppers, you’re going to be disappointed.

This is a classic example of living on the fantasy and not taking the time to get to know the person.  I wonder: how sexy would it be for Cum Boy when he came over to watch a movie and my 10-year-old muscled us off the couch because he wanted to play Wii instead?  (Or, perhaps, they could play together?).

Putting aside, for a moment, the lack of foresight in thinking someone with a profile like mine (that clearly mentions kids and commitment) is a Mrs. Robinson sex kitten just waiting to be uncaged, let’s discuss technique briefly.  This, I feel, should be taught to boys somewhere around sophomore year in high school (although imagine getting THIS past the right-wingers).   Even if all you want is sex – and there is nothing wrong with that if you do – leading with, “So, do you want to hear me cum?” is probably not the best way to achieve your goal.  Call me old-fashioned (or old) but I am sensing that we may be losing something in the art of seduction.

Perhaps this is a byproduct of feminism: when women are sexually liberated, they don’t need to be seduced.  Although female sexual liberation is, in theory, a good thing, I can’t help but wish for a little more finesse than, “So, do you want to hear me cum?”  And, am I revealing some naivete when I let you in on the fact that I can’t imagine what could possibly be interesting about that even with a guy I am crazy about?  Listening on the phone?  What?  Is it a man/woman thing that I don’t get the appeal at all?

If this is his technique, perhaps it is getting Cum Boy results… who knows?  One thing that’s fabulous and fun about this project: learning just how many kinds of people there are in the world, some looking for love, some looking for Kleenex.

Highest clicked-on posts:

Plenty of Fish Chats – I Think My Eyeballs are Bleeding
Date # 12 – Back-up Date is DTF.  Am I?

Catch-up on all the dates:

Date # 1 – Bill a/k/a Angry Guy
Date # 2 – Little Johnny
Dates # 3-10 – Speed Dating
Date # 11 – George, Mr. Perfectly-Nice, Not-For-Me
Date # 12 – Back-up Date is DTF.  Am I?
Date # 13 – The Scariest of All
Date # 14 – Just What’s Your Angle Buddy?
Date # 15 – A Threesome

More about the 51 First Dates After Divorce Project