Date # 15 – A Threesome

Yes, that’s right, I had a threesome on Date # 15.  I didn’t know it was going to happen until right before it started.  My date texted me about it a half hour before and I figured in the spirit of 51 First Dates and being game for anything, I would go for it.  It wasn’t half bad.

So, there we were, me, my date, and his 7-year-old son.  (Why, what were you thinking?).

Jeff reached out to me on Plenty of Fish.  He wasn’t the kind of guy I would have chosen.  Not homely – just not the kind of guy who would catch my eye.  For the Real Housewives of New Jersey lovers in the crowd, he had a bit of a Joe Giudice kind of look to him, brawny, like a muscular guy who’s let the beer gut creep in, with a friendly smile and a kind face.  So, what the heck?  I’ve got quota to meet.  He moved fast, which I prefer (endless penpaling is just so pointless), and suggested a date 2 days after first contact: coffee at a Starbucks in the next town over from mine.

About a half hour before, he texted, “By the way, it’s my weekend and I’ve got my 7-year-old son with me.”  No “is that okay?” or anything, just a simple statement of fact.

Hmmm.  I wasn’t sure about this 7-year-old-on-a-first-date thing.  But okay.

This brings up an interesting theme in dating post-divorce.  When to introduce the kids?  First date?  Probably too soon.  But since my divorce nearly two years ago, I’ve never once mentioned dating to my 11 and 10-year-olds (except for the abstract statement that I’d like to find someone special eventually).  I’ve always thought I’d introduce them only to the guy who will become their stepfather (whenever he shows up).  I’ve been trying to spare them the heartbreak of falling in love with someone and then having to deal with losing him should the relationship end.

Jeff made me think about this in a new way.  I walked into Starbucks and spotted him right away.  He looked just like his pictures – no shock or false advertising.  Seated beside him was the most angelic-looking, blond haired, pouty lipped little boy, playing quietly on a laptop.

They say that cute dogs are chick magnets, but I have to say, cherubic little boys are pretty helpful in that department too.  I wouldn’t exactly say his son made Jeff any more my type, but he somehow made him realer.  Jeff bought me a raspberry scone and we sat down to talk.

I don’t know if it was the kid or the cumulative effects of all this dating, but I had a really pleasant time.  (And did he sedate him or was that kid really that good?  He never once interrupted us or looked up from his computer at all).  I have never had such a good time on a date with no expectation of what would come after.  Part of it was that Jeff was really chill, honest, a little sarcastic, funny, self deprecating.  He talked and listened in equal measure.  He told me about his medical practice, his travels, his former wives (yes, two).   In the middle of our date, someone he knew happened by and they talked about the band they’d once played in together.

Through it all, his son was enraptured with his computer.  Jeff said to him teasingly, “Don’t you do that gorgeous smile,” and the little boy’s face lit up, self-conscious and stunning, revealing two missing top front teeth.  Then, we ceased to exist to him again.   There was an effortlessness about their relationship, Jeff talking about all kinds of things I’d never mention in front of my kids.  It made me wonder whether in the spirit of protecting them I have also excluded them a little, tried to be someone less flawed and real and vulnerable than I am.  In trying to be the mom who always gets it right, perhaps I’ve underestimated their ability to deal with life’s realities.

I never once wondered what it would be like to be that kid’s stepmother.  (For anyone who knows my “need-to-know-how-this-all-works-out” tendencies, this is tantamount to an OCD clean freak eating an M&M off the floor.  Big progress).   And I didn’t flinch when he told me he’d been arrested a bunch of times for violating the restraining order his ex-wife had against him, or the fact that he was only “95% over her” 2 years after their divorce.  He wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t matter.

So, no, probably not Prince Charming, but just another fellow traveler on the road of life, and love, who bought me a scone and whose handsome little boy lit up my morning with one last gap-toothed grin as we said goodbye.

As I walked off into a dazzlingly crisp fall day, I thought, “This dating thing ain’t half bad.”

Highest clicked-on posts:

Plenty of Fish Chats – I Think My Eyeballs are Bleeding
Date # 12 – Back-up Date is DTF.  Am I?

Catch-up on all the dates:

Date # 1 – Bill a/k/a Angry Guy
Date # 2 – Little Johnny
Dates # 3-10 – Speed Dating
Date # 11 – George, Mr. Perfectly-Nice, Not-For-Me
Date # 12 – Back-up Date is DTF.  Am I?
Date # 13 – The Scariest of All
Date # 14 – Just What’s Your Angle Buddy?
Date # 15 – A Threesome

More about the 51 First Dates After Divorce Project